I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
