Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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