We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
