I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
