I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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