i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
