just come out here and I will go home with you...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
