Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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