I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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