There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
