My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
