ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
