Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
