Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
