Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
