Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Randomize
