Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
