She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
