Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
