You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
