she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
