I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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