I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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