remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
