I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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