I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
