The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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