Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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