Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
