there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
