You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
