I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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