So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
