My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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