1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
