babies were throwing up all over the place
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
