Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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