Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
