he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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