He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
