yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
