Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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