If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
