I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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