Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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