I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
