i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
