i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
50% drunk capacity currently
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
