apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
