i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think your dad took our porno
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
