i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
